” Groups Of Understanding ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

A group of people here. A group of people there. You can rarely see somebody alone. And even if you do, there is a great chance they are just going to meet somebody. People are definitely not meant to live alone. So what gives that some people can’t imagine life without bunch of random friends around them whilst others can’t imagine being amongst almost anyone? I believe it is a matter of personality and its complexity. People without the greater depth are more likely to find someone similar to them than people whose nature is rather complex. If you are not on the same page as others, there is a good chance you will not be liked or enjoy the company of those people, probably both. Being alone is not a fate though. It is a choice you make. Of course some people have it much harder to find somebody similar to themselves, if they live in a small town or village for example. It is a matter of time and determination though, so if you really want to find some friend with whom you could share your weirdness, don’t lose hope; it is by all means possible. So going further down this road I’ve tried to answer my own question: why am I alone? I’ve come to a conclusion there is no single reason behind it, rather a combination of a few. The biggest one would be; it’s my choice. My complexity is beyond a chance to find anyone on the same page. The best case scenario for me is to find someone in the same book. My requirements and expectations are similar to my dreams, they’re almost unreal to reach. I don’t even clearly remember how it feels to be around a bunch of good friends any more. I used to have that in the time of my childhood and it was great, but… There’s just too much going on in my head right now, I wouldn’t be able to focus. So yea… it is my choice. It is nice to know there are people who would take their time and try to understand me though, I know they’re out there. Thank you for being and sorry for my isolation.

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” Spiky Greens ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

I always knew… I have always known what I want in life… I was sure and confident about it as well… I don’t know what happened, I mean I know… but it is too hard for me to believe it. It scares me because I know it’s true, and I don’t know the way out of it now… I have set myself on the path that was not designed for me at all… I have triggered the bomb, and I don’t know how to stop the countdown. Piece by piece, life is stripping me of what I have known… Leaving me with nothing but darkness and chaos in my mind. I don’t know what I want any more, what is even worse; I feel like the things I have always loved doing are leaving me as well… All my pillars of existence are crumbling underneath the weight of emptiness. I just don’t know any more… I feel like those spiky greens shivering and trembling in the wind, unconsciously waiting to be finally knock down from their highest point in life…

Art Prints

” Dunno One ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

There are so many artists… Even more people with all sorts of talents… It scares me… It scares me that there are so many amazing individuals the world does not know about? Why? Why do they have to live a life of an unknown? Why some people, very often less talented, climb the ladder of success while the rest, more deserved of that place, have to live a lesser life? It looks like having a talent and knowing about it is just not enough to be out there. You have to make yourself visible. You can’t be famous or even appreciated if the world doesn’t know about your existence. Death is the last scream your personality makes before it vanishes forever. I mean, even if you get all the ovations you can get, but you are still dead, what is it good for? You either make it on time, or it doesn’t matter… Unless you dream about some fame after your departure to another life. The one thing that scares me even more is not finding your real talent before it’s too late, or ever at all. I am genuinely scared of living my life the wrong way. ” Remember, the saddest thing in life is wasted talent. You could have all the talent in the world, but if you don’t do the right thing, then nothing happens. ” – A Bronx Tale (1993)

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” Mystery Continues ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

” So, the mystery continues… I am still trying to figure out what’s so special about those blocks of flats to me. I think it comes from my childhood. See, I didn’t use to go out a lot when I was a kid. I was basically living my whole life in my beloved flat most of the time, and I really liked it. I was enjoying outside activities at my grandparents at the weekends, but that was it. Five days a week, I was sitting at my home playing games, watching telly and playing with my toys, all the time (except for when I had to go out to school, obviously; which I wasn’t really fond of…). I totally loved my childhood, by the way. Hah~!! I was just reading it over out loud and I realised that my current adult life resembles the one from my childhood almost identically… wow… It looks I haven’t moved in life at all… Anyway, I was spending my life in tight enclosed spaces most of the time, so this might be one of the reasons. The second one I have figured out is probably connected with my lone style of life. See, I don’t have many friends you know. To tell the truth, I don’t have any at the moment. I had two best friends a long time ago, but they are… out there in the world somewhere now. So I think, I really enjoy being around people, even though I don’t like 98% of them. I am leading a solitary boring life, so it makes me feel nice being in places where life just lives the normal way, you know? I am pretty sure it all adds up to itself. Childhood nostalgia, loneliness, love of being outside, taking something back as a souvenir and probably so much more… All that is the reason why I enjoy doing what I do so much, and it explains a lot why I am being so attracted to those places… I feel like I am at home, even though the real one is far far away sometimes. I feel I belong between those tall buildings (inside and on top of them too!). It’s a truly magical experience for me every time I go out there. I just wish I had someone to share those moments with… Just that one person I could take with me and get lost in time… “

Art Prints

” Industrial Beauty ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

” It is one of those pieces… One of those pieces that nobody understands… Hesitation… should I delete it and move on looking for something more popularly likeable? No Chan, you shouldn’t. Trust your instinct. You were browsing photographs and something clicked right away when you saw it for the first time. That’s pure, something real, genuine beauty in its raw form. Keep it. So I did. It’s really hard to explain what I love about it without giving my own eyes and mind to someone else to experience it my way. Though I shall do my best and try to explain it. Let’s start with the major things first. Light and shade, both living in mutual respect, both perfectly completing each other. There is a beautiful bright and happy sky on the upper part, there is also not so happy darker shaded area at the bottom. They give this balanced and complete look of it. You also cannot not notice those four beautiful chrome chimneys… All shiny and glittering in the sun. An amazing reflection of them on the nearby wall, awesome green grass at the bottom left corner, billowy clouds above, branches… There is so much going on, so many things to look at… It’s cosy… It’s one of those special places. I call them ‘magical spots’. You just want to stand there and enjoy everything that surrounds you. It makes you so happy, full of appreciation and energy to live. It is also very hard to capture it. I keep looking at it, and I can’t believe I almost deleted it… I love it so much. Those colours and tint… Everything just ads up to itself creating this Industrial Beauty. Things like that gets me going another hours, days, weeks worth of pure walking… Just to find another one of those magical spots… “

Art Prints

 

 

” Sweet Spike ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” Nobody likes Sweet Spike… As a matter of fact, nobody liked him ever since he was born. He used to be quite a nice fellow, you know? Unfortunately his strange looks, weird diet and not so much fresh breath made him really unpopular. He’s genuinely desperate nowadays, he just flies around and tries to hug anyone… that can’t be good, can it? He used to be charming, really smart and with a good talk. Sadly enough, time changes everyone… and for poor Sweet Spike the change was not for the better… I mean, I don’t blame him, you know? How would you personally feel if everyone, without any exception, would hate you from the moment they meet you? Not nice, huh? And it wasn’t nice for Spike as well… All he ever wanted was to be just like others; nice, colourful, likeable, cute and things like that. Didn’t work out at all… He got beaten many times, with many different things; newspapers, towels, flip-flops, got electrocuted, sprayed with chemicals and so much more… It’s just painful, you know? Not just for the body, but for the soul as well… Poor Spike, I heard he got addicted to pooh again too. It is not his fault really? The freaking nature designed him like that, what can he do about it? Nothing, exactly… so why all the hate!? Sweet Spike~!! Not everyone hates you~!! Can you hear me~!? Don’t you do anything stupid~!! Some of us understand how you feel and you are not alone~!! Unluckily… Sweet Spike is not with us any more… Those were my last words to him, and this is the last photograph of him. Sweet Spike was found dead at a hotel room in Des Moines, Iowa, on May 25. Test results have shown he died of an accidental diarrhoea overdose. He is survived by… no one. You won’t be missed, but you were still… pretty fly for a stinky guy. “

Art Prints

 

 

” Dusty Hill ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” I saw that hill before… Unfortunately at that time I was unable to climb it and check what is there that’s hiding from me. I kept looking at it from down below with great curiosity. I knew I would come back here and find out what’s on top of it one day; it was just a matter of time. Not so long after, a few months perhaps, there I was… standing again and looking at it… The pros and cons running through my mind… The decision is made. I am going up. I crossed the road and started climbing it. It’s much higher than I thought it was. I started running. I want it now. I want to see what’s on top of it and I don’t want to wait any longer. I am getting tired. It is much much higher than it looks like from back down. And that wind… the higher I climb the stronger it gets. I start running again. My body produces tremendous amount of heat. I can feel my legs getting all swollen up from all the blood being pumped to muscles. I am walking and sweating. I can feel wind piercing my body. Will I get ill afterwards? Will the wind get me? I run again. My jeans are so tight they will burst any minute now. I keep wondering; how is it possible that my legs got so fat so quick. It feels like they have been hiding their real potential from me. The moment I checked the jeans on my thighs was also the moment I noticed all the mud around me. The soil was wet. What the hell… It was so dry back down. There’s an endless field on my left and right. The only thing that separates me from all this muddy hell is a very narrow path of grass I have been running up the hill. Unfortunately I have also found out that I am not safe even here… With every step I was taking, a big cloud of dirty muddy dust was arising from the grass… I was trapped. I was somewhere in the middle of my way to the top… my boots and the lower part of jeans were dirty, grey and white from all that dust I have been kicking around for the last couple of minutes… The moment of great regret grasped me hard and squeezed painfully. Stupid… so stupid; I thought. Who in their right minds would run up some big ass hill just to find out the view… I was seriously thinking of making my way back down, but what was the point? I would have to go back the same way and giving up now didn’t make any sense. I started running up again, occasionally looking down, only to find out how it hurts my soul seeing all that dust flying on my boots and jeans… Finally I reached the top… There was nothing there… The hill was just flat… and behind it… there was just mud… endless fields of mud… I remembered that one tree I had seen from back down. I decided to meet it in person… Unfortunately, the only way to it, was through the mud… It felt like walking through a minefield. I was scared that my next step will be tragic and my boot will get swallowed or something… After short but utterly stressful and careful walk, I reached the tree… We talked for a while… it was nice. I remember running down as quickly as I could just to have the dusty path behind me. I wasn’t happy back then, but now… when I look at my friend from the hill… You tell me, if it was worth it or not… “

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” Resident Evil ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” Not so far from the city… there is a mansion. The mansion nobody wants to talk about… It’s supposed to be abandoned, but there are many people who claim they have seen bright lights at night multiple times. There are also reports of missing people who have allegedly ventured on its premises. It is uncomfortable and unsettling… it just sits there. Nobody likes it, nobody wants it there, everyone demands some answers about it, but there is simply no one to give them. It feels like an itch you cannot scratch. There are some crazy rumours going on about it as well. There are sources claiming that the building belongs to the Umbrella Corporation; an omnipresent major pharmaceutical company reputed for its evil and ruthless nature, sacrificing anyone and anything in their quest to achieve perfection. To the public, Umbrella is simply the leading provider in technology, medical and healthcare products… But everyone knows that the Umbrella Corporation also supplies viral weaponry across the world and holds considerable clout within the political and business ring. Now the thing I am going to tell you may sound like the talk of a crazy person, but there are some proofs backing up the story of one of the people who have allegedly partially explored the building. That person said that the mansion is just a front for the secret transport link to the Hive; an underground bioweapons research facility located under the city. I know… believe me, I know exactly how it sounds like but… What if I told you that everyone directly connected with the rumour has either emigrated to another country or just disappeared, and there is no one who knows what has really happened with them. Some poor family is still hopelessly fighting Umbrella Corp. in courts, which is allegedly responsible for the disappearance of their son. You may think what you want, but I know there is something not right about this building. It may look just normal to you, but there is too much things going on about it. Hopefully, I will not get into some kind of trouble because of this photograph… If I disappear or suddenly “emigrate” to god knows where… you will know who might be responsible for it. “

Art Prints

” Ribs ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” Every creation, physical or not, big or small, long term or just a short one, they all need a solid construction, the thing that will uphold the weight of the future plans. The greater the plan, the greater support is required. Tough ribs to protect soft and fragile investment. The question is… is it worth building all that around something that may never appear inside of it in the first place? How do you know? How can you be sure? What if it is just an illusion? A dream that will always stay just a dream… Is this what has happened here? Is it an empty cage of ribs protecting someone’s dream that has never come true? Was I here too early? Is the dream still possible to be fulfilled? Or is it just another skeleton left behind… A brutally interrupted vision, a reminder of something that could have been someone’s escape from the usual… A great dream that has shattered against sharp edges of the broken reality. The light… is it still with it? Or has it already started taking it apart? It looks so solid… so enormous… By the look of it, it looks like a real big honest love, I have seen it before. What happened? Something tragic must have happened. Those ribs… so secure, almost completed. Great plans, amazing love, big happy family… What could have possibly stop such hard work and dedication… Perhaps, I am indeed too early here. Maybe it all is still in movement, still alive, still has got a future… Maybe I was just… too early… “

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” Decoloured ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” What you see, what you feel… sometimes can go two different ways. Everything turns green, blooms, birds happily chirping, frogs croaking, colours have invaded dark and boring places… spring is here. It is warm, very warm, almost summer-like too warm, but the wind is making it all nice. Everything is so cheerful, happy and so damn alive… I am not unhappy or sad… unsettled and a little lost perhaps… I wish I could synchronise better with all beautiful life around me, derive more pleasure and satisfaction from where I am and what I have. Some things are sprouting and growing full of life, others shrivelling up and dying left alone… Spring, the time when yang is aggressively taking back what yin took not such a long time ago… I can see so many beautiful colours, I am so grey inside… I can feel so much life around me, yet I can barely live and feel my own. I can feel I become desaturated even more. The process of decolourisation is eating me alive, corroding my being and mind. Shake it off, shake it off, regain control. Bring the colours back to your life. There is love. “

Art Prints