” Groups Of Understanding ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

A group of people here. A group of people there. You can rarely see somebody alone. And even if you do, there is a great chance they are just going to meet somebody. People are definitely not meant to live alone. So what gives that some people can’t imagine life without bunch of random friends around them whilst others can’t imagine being amongst almost anyone? I believe it is a matter of personality and its complexity. People without the greater depth are more likely to find someone similar to them than people whose nature is rather complex. If you are not on the same page as others, there is a good chance you will not be liked or enjoy the company of those people, probably both. Being alone is not a fate though. It is a choice you make. Of course some people have it much harder to find somebody similar to themselves, if they live in a small town or village for example. It is a matter of time and determination though, so if you really want to find some friend with whom you could share your weirdness, don’t lose hope; it is by all means possible. So going further down this road I’ve tried to answer my own question: why am I alone? I’ve come to a conclusion there is no single reason behind it, rather a combination of a few. The biggest one would be; it’s my choice. My complexity is beyond a chance to find anyone on the same page. The best case scenario for me is to find someone in the same book. My requirements and expectations are similar to my dreams, they’re almost unreal to reach. I don’t even clearly remember how it feels to be around a bunch of good friends any more. I used to have that in the time of my childhood and it was great, but… There’s just too much going on in my head right now, I wouldn’t be able to focus. So yea… it is my choice. It is nice to know there are people who would take their time and try to understand me though, I know they’re out there. Thank you for being and sorry for my isolation.

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” Spiky Greens ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

I always knew… I have always known what I want in life… I was sure and confident about it as well… I don’t know what happened, I mean I know… but it is too hard for me to believe it. It scares me because I know it’s true, and I don’t know the way out of it now… I have set myself on the path that was not designed for me at all… I have triggered the bomb, and I don’t know how to stop the countdown. Piece by piece, life is stripping me of what I have known… Leaving me with nothing but darkness and chaos in my mind. I don’t know what I want any more, what is even worse; I feel like the things I have always loved doing are leaving me as well… All my pillars of existence are crumbling underneath the weight of emptiness. I just don’t know any more… I feel like those spiky greens shivering and trembling in the wind, unconsciously waiting to be finally knock down from their highest point in life…

Art Prints

” Dusty Hill ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” I saw that hill before… Unfortunately at that time I was unable to climb it and check what is there that’s hiding from me. I kept looking at it from down below with great curiosity. I knew I would come back here and find out what’s on top of it one day; it was just a matter of time. Not so long after, a few months perhaps, there I was… standing again and looking at it… The pros and cons running through my mind… The decision is made. I am going up. I crossed the road and started climbing it. It’s much higher than I thought it was. I started running. I want it now. I want to see what’s on top of it and I don’t want to wait any longer. I am getting tired. It is much much higher than it looks like from back down. And that wind… the higher I climb the stronger it gets. I start running again. My body produces tremendous amount of heat. I can feel my legs getting all swollen up from all the blood being pumped to muscles. I am walking and sweating. I can feel wind piercing my body. Will I get ill afterwards? Will the wind get me? I run again. My jeans are so tight they will burst any minute now. I keep wondering; how is it possible that my legs got so fat so quick. It feels like they have been hiding their real potential from me. The moment I checked the jeans on my thighs was also the moment I noticed all the mud around me. The soil was wet. What the hell… It was so dry back down. There’s an endless field on my left and right. The only thing that separates me from all this muddy hell is a very narrow path of grass I have been running up the hill. Unfortunately I have also found out that I am not safe even here… With every step I was taking, a big cloud of dirty muddy dust was arising from the grass… I was trapped. I was somewhere in the middle of my way to the top… my boots and the lower part of jeans were dirty, grey and white from all that dust I have been kicking around for the last couple of minutes… The moment of great regret grasped me hard and squeezed painfully. Stupid… so stupid; I thought. Who in their right minds would run up some big ass hill just to find out the view… I was seriously thinking of making my way back down, but what was the point? I would have to go back the same way and giving up now didn’t make any sense. I started running up again, occasionally looking down, only to find out how it hurts my soul seeing all that dust flying on my boots and jeans… Finally I reached the top… There was nothing there… The hill was just flat… and behind it… there was just mud… endless fields of mud… I remembered that one tree I had seen from back down. I decided to meet it in person… Unfortunately, the only way to it, was through the mud… It felt like walking through a minefield. I was scared that my next step will be tragic and my boot will get swallowed or something… After short but utterly stressful and careful walk, I reached the tree… We talked for a while… it was nice. I remember running down as quickly as I could just to have the dusty path behind me. I wasn’t happy back then, but now… when I look at my friend from the hill… You tell me, if it was worth it or not… “

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” Resident Evil ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” Not so far from the city… there is a mansion. The mansion nobody wants to talk about… It’s supposed to be abandoned, but there are many people who claim they have seen bright lights at night multiple times. There are also reports of missing people who have allegedly ventured on its premises. It is uncomfortable and unsettling… it just sits there. Nobody likes it, nobody wants it there, everyone demands some answers about it, but there is simply no one to give them. It feels like an itch you cannot scratch. There are some crazy rumours going on about it as well. There are sources claiming that the building belongs to the Umbrella Corporation; an omnipresent major pharmaceutical company reputed for its evil and ruthless nature, sacrificing anyone and anything in their quest to achieve perfection. To the public, Umbrella is simply the leading provider in technology, medical and healthcare products… But everyone knows that the Umbrella Corporation also supplies viral weaponry across the world and holds considerable clout within the political and business ring. Now the thing I am going to tell you may sound like the talk of a crazy person, but there are some proofs backing up the story of one of the people who have allegedly partially explored the building. That person said that the mansion is just a front for the secret transport link to the Hive; an underground bioweapons research facility located under the city. I know… believe me, I know exactly how it sounds like but… What if I told you that everyone directly connected with the rumour has either emigrated to another country or just disappeared, and there is no one who knows what has really happened with them. Some poor family is still hopelessly fighting Umbrella Corp. in courts, which is allegedly responsible for the disappearance of their son. You may think what you want, but I know there is something not right about this building. It may look just normal to you, but there is too much things going on about it. Hopefully, I will not get into some kind of trouble because of this photograph… If I disappear or suddenly “emigrate” to god knows where… you will know who might be responsible for it. “

Art Prints

” Ribs ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” Every creation, physical or not, big or small, long term or just a short one, they all need a solid construction, the thing that will uphold the weight of the future plans. The greater the plan, the greater support is required. Tough ribs to protect soft and fragile investment. The question is… is it worth building all that around something that may never appear inside of it in the first place? How do you know? How can you be sure? What if it is just an illusion? A dream that will always stay just a dream… Is this what has happened here? Is it an empty cage of ribs protecting someone’s dream that has never come true? Was I here too early? Is the dream still possible to be fulfilled? Or is it just another skeleton left behind… A brutally interrupted vision, a reminder of something that could have been someone’s escape from the usual… A great dream that has shattered against sharp edges of the broken reality. The light… is it still with it? Or has it already started taking it apart? It looks so solid… so enormous… By the look of it, it looks like a real big honest love, I have seen it before. What happened? Something tragic must have happened. Those ribs… so secure, almost completed. Great plans, amazing love, big happy family… What could have possibly stop such hard work and dedication… Perhaps, I am indeed too early here. Maybe it all is still in movement, still alive, still has got a future… Maybe I was just… too early… “

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” Colour Bender ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” The legend says, if you mix a number of correct colours you can get one wish, and it can be whatever you want. I have been mixing them for a while now, I have also wished for the same thing many times. See, the problem with my wish is that it may take years or even decades to find out, if it worked or not. I do not lose my hope though. What you see on the photograph here is my latest creation. A very rare arrangement of carefully selected coloured objects. If that didn’t work, I must have been really close with this one. The sun was shining just perfectly, giving it just right amount of little warm haze. The rays of the sun were piercing transparent plastic flesh with high precision, pushing beautiful saturated colours out of their physical form. A pinch of shadows here and there gave it a final touch. I am really impressed. There is something lacking here though, and I can’t pinpoint what it is. Maybe the blue is just not blue enough, hmm. Maybe the angle is not right, hmm let’s see… Oh fuck that plenty~!! I have been arranging some stupid plastic spoons and whatever that is with three pointy fucking things sticking out, moving left and right for more than an hour~!! Sweating my ass for what!? Some stupid thing that is not even real!? Eat it~!! “

Art Prints

” Vegetable Guts ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” I keep going back and back thinking what is the best food for humans to eat. Should we even know the taste of animals’ meat? I don’t think we are predators, therefore we shouldn’t eat anything that has been killed by us. Just look at our body. We are not designed to kill, not really. We can create and make a great use of tools, but our body? I honestly don’t think nature wanted us to go after other animals. It’s weird… I have been enjoying and eating meat from the beginning of my life. Hmm… let me think. Vegetables, fruits and other things we can get from animals without hurting them; eggs, honey, milk etc., they are all packed with everything we need, and even more. So why do we kill and eat animals as well? Now that really has started me thinking. Can I do it? Can I really go on without any meat? At the moment my answer is; no I can’t. I mean, I don’t want to. Of course I could, if I wanted… But I most definitely will think about it in free time. What advantages it may have? Hmm I wonder. We don’t have big teeth, venom, claws etc., our biggest weapon is our brain. Theoretically speaking, we should have never started eating animals. That’s fucked up…I wonder if this thought will convert me into a vegetarian at some point. I don’t think so… maybe in the next life. But I do believe, eating other animals is a mistake. We are on top of the food chain, yet we behave like we are somewhere in a middle… Maybe we are… Maybe we are bred like hens and other animals, but for a different reason… The reason we have no idea about… Now that makes sense… “

Art Prints

” Dragon Skin ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” Dragon Skin… Sometimes I think, the only way to stop life getting to you, is to grow dragon skin… So thick and so robust that even flaming hate and love could not get through it. This, or learn how to channel everything that’s harmful with such precision that nothing can really touch you. The latter is probably a better choice, but it’s much harder to achieve as well. Confusion and inability to understand morphs into hate… The skin starts glowing… No response and lack of caring changes hate into rage. The skin lights up… Past memories start bleeding once again. The skin is almost transparent, ready to burst with all might and fury… By the time everything spills over, you are all alone… there is no one there… not any more. It all disperses like a morning fog… All this building up, tension and accumulation of negativity, all for nothing… Waste of time and energy, pointless. Dragon skin would never let it happen. It’s too tough, way too smart to let such things glide through. Black tendons hold it all tight and secure. Glassy flesh will not let you see. Cold and solid, keeps secrets within its boundaries. You can spot life behind its fortification, bright and live, but you cannot get through… It’s way too scared, too fragile, and too soft to let anyone close again. It somehow wants to connect with you, lonely and hungry for another soul, but poor doesn’t know how to get through the very own wall, it once wanted so much to have around itself. Unfortunately trapped in its own shelter. It will take time, hard work and dedication on both sides, too finally free what has been buried so securely underneath dragon skin. Let’s just hope it will be worth the wait and struggle… “

Art Prints

” The Touch Of A Woman ” by tgchan ( Canon EOS 70D + Canon EF-S 10-18mm f/4.5–5.6 IS STM )

” The Touch of a Woman… They are quite similar to cats, you know? They are both connoisseurs of comfort, but cats… well, they lack ability to create those warm and cosy places on their own. Women on the other hand, they are quite skilful with those things. A quick glance at some place, and you know there was a female presence around. It is really interesting. Women look for males who can give them security, and males look for females who can give them this special cosiness that their mother used to create for them. It all goes in circles. Why am I even surprised with this discovery… Everything in nature works like that. A big fucking wheel of correlation. All nice and tidy, items placed carefully and with a great thought. Colours are not random and everything must go with the rest of the surrounding. It gives me a headache… I like it, but I would never follow all those rules. I know how to create a super cosy place for myself, and I don’t need all this bullshit that this should suit that etc. I like it, I have it. Done. Simple as that. I wouldn’t give up something I like only because it doesn’t go well with the rest of the room or something, fuck that. Going back to the woman’s touch, I truly admire their commitment, and their sense of setting up things the way they do; most of the time anyways There is something special about it, not doubt. Even though, I don’t genuinely know exactly what it is. Must be some kind of womanly magic I guess. I have been trying to capture the beauty of my mother’s bedroom for quite a while now, but only recently, I think I have finally got it. Admire. “

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” I Do Not Know ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” I don’t know… If you are reading this, there is a good chance that you are probably looking at one of my last photographs as well. It came out of nowhere… really. How could I not see this coming… I had a hard time bringing back something worthy from my last journeys. I should have seen that coming. I think a new phone which was a gift from my brother was the final nail in the coffin. The first video I made with it to be precise, was the point when everything has changed. The funny thing is that I have picked up photography in the first place because the idea of filming, storing all those videos and uploading them with my super slow internet… well… let’s just say, it didn’t look too attractive, and I have decided it wasn’t an option for me. Oh, and I couldn’t have sell and present my videos in such a nice way as the photographs. Not that I have sold any or it was my priority, but yea… at that time the dream was big and lucrative. Any way, there were many situation where I wanted to share something with a viewer, but the photographs were too limiting. I was going wider and wider with the choice of my lenses, but it helped me only to a degree. With a moving picture, not constrained to any particular frame, I can show what I love about certain places and things. Nothing really changed though, I still don’t like the idea of storing video files, uploading them with the same slow ass internet, and everything else to be honest… BUT! My last journey was totally dominated by videos… I have taken like 3 or so photographs, and made tens of short video clips which excited me so much. When I felt that great excitement while I was filming, that feeling that I can share everything what I see with a viewer, that was it. I knew this is the place I want to be. There are still many great things to photograph, and ideally I should have two systems with me; one for photographs and the other one for videos. Maybe I will be able to come up with something that will satisfy me in both. I don’t know… I really am up to my ears in filming. I don’t know where it all goes… I just know I love it, and this is my new way of expressing what I love. If you are curious about the new thing, just search for tgchan on youtube and you shall find it/ “

www.youtube.com/user/tgchan

Art Prints