” Mystery Continues ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

” So, the mystery continues… I am still trying to figure out what’s so special about those blocks of flats to me. I think it comes from my childhood. See, I didn’t use to go out a lot when I was a kid. I was basically living my whole life in my beloved flat most of the time, and I really liked it. I was enjoying outside activities at my grandparents at the weekends, but that was it. Five days a week, I was sitting at my home playing games, watching telly and playing with my toys, all the time (except for when I had to go out to school, obviously; which I wasn’t really fond of…). I totally loved my childhood, by the way. Hah~!! I was just reading it over out loud and I realised that my current adult life resembles the one from my childhood almost identically… wow… It looks I haven’t moved in life at all… Anyway, I was spending my life in tight enclosed spaces most of the time, so this might be one of the reasons. The second one I have figured out is probably connected with my lone style of life. See, I don’t have many friends you know. To tell the truth, I don’t have any at the moment. I had two best friends a long time ago, but they are… out there in the world somewhere now. So I think, I really enjoy being around people, even though I don’t like 98% of them. I am leading a solitary boring life, so it makes me feel nice being in places where life just lives the normal way, you know? I am pretty sure it all adds up to itself. Childhood nostalgia, loneliness, love of being outside, taking something back as a souvenir and probably so much more… All that is the reason why I enjoy doing what I do so much, and it explains a lot why I am being so attracted to those places… I feel like I am at home, even though the real one is far far away sometimes. I feel I belong between those tall buildings (inside and on top of them too!). It’s a truly magical experience for me every time I go out there. I just wish I had someone to share those moments with… Just that one person I could take with me and get lost in time… “

Art Prints

” New Year Same Year Every Year ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” I am not gonna lie… I love a New Year’s Eve. I even love it every year. I also hate it, exactly as much as I love it, when the last visible firework fade away in the darkness of night… The short period between two weeks before Christmas and New Year’s Eve, must be my favourite time in a whole year. The energy and the positive aura is amazing. I love to feel that moment when everyone is so focused on their life; preparation, presents, stress and everything else. It feels like everything around me is going at least three times faster than normal, and I just love to observe it from the perspective of my slow and derailed life… People seem to be different at that time as well, I like them that way. The moment when the last firecracker finally disappears from the sky, is also the moment when I get that weird feeling that the clock has been just rested, and everyone is bound to get back to what they have been previously doing, all year round. Another year, another example that your own plans mean nothing to the plans that have been made for you. That night was supposed to be so special, other than all previous ones… Finally someone to share emotions with, a chance to start a new year like never before, but no… I guess it wasn’t meant for me. At least, not just yet. Once again, my life has been adjusted to the path I didn’t choose. Maybe this is what I wanted somewhere deep down… Maybe it saved me from something that wasn’t good for me… Oh well, at least I had a chance to capture this beautiful moment. “

Photography Prints

” Good Night Settlers ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” So, the sun is already comfortably lying in its soft horizon bed… It still has its eyes wide open, but the eyelids are getting heavier and heavier with every minute passing by. It is a matter of short time now, when those bright eyes full of light will get closed for several hours, leaving the town under a dark blanket. People on the other hand are far away from a goodnight sleep. Still busy, still lots of things to finish up before they can snug into their comfy beds. The sky has already started losing its colours, slowly giving up to the inevitable change. The last clouds are soon to be dissolved, leaving nothing but an empty space behind. Wind turbines starting waking up, stretching their arms, warming up, preparing to dance all night. Good night settlers… have a nice and restful night. Time to rest. Close your eyes, let your mind drift away… be free… “

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” True Enlightenment ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + Samyang 8mm F3.5 Fisheye CS II )

( Pozdrawiam oraz dziekuje przemilym Paniom, ktore pozwolily mnie sie wiercic z aparatem w ich sklepie :* )

” I am so jealous of those who got enlightened… I am so full of envy for the ones who know where to go… Oh, what a feeling must it be… How amazing must it feel to know you can focus all your energy to pursuit your destiny, instead of wasting it for countless searches… How incredible it must be to run as fast as you can, looking only forward, without peripheral thoughts of better alternatives… How marvellous it must be to wake up every day, and know you can do things that will eventually bring you closer to your final goal… How soothing it must be… to have thousands of lights guiding you through the darkness of night… How convenient it must be to know you are on the right path… The awareness that all it takes from now on… is just energy to move forward, towards the great award. I can see thousands of light bulbs shining… Unfortunately none of them are bright enough, to clearly let me know they are the one I should follow… How can I trust any of them, when the light they produce is so weak and dim, I could easily mistake it for my own troubled and hungry imagination…? I keep looking at all of them at once, persistently waiting for one that will go so bright, I will not have any doubt. At the same time I am shaking and praying that the one I am waiting for, is not behind my back… “

Photography Prints

” Got Light ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + Samyang 8mm F3.5 Fisheye CS II )

( Pozdrawiam oraz dziekuje przemilym Paniom, ktore pozwolily mnie sie wiercic z aparatem w ich sklepie :* )

” Got light? Sure thing, bro. But I am still kind of lost and can’t see… I wonder how much light we really need in our lives in order to clearly see where we are heading… Obviously one source is not enough, but what if there is so much light, you cannot see anything beside it? What if it’s still not enough to see in the darkness of destiny…? Do we need one big source of it, or maybe plenty of them but smaller ones where each one of them partially gives hints and completes the full picture in front of our eyes? We walk and turn on more and more lights to better see our path. Sometimes they give light full of bright directions, but sometimes it is very vague and dim, giving nothing but a an outline of what we need. So you keep walking and looking for the new lights with a great hope that the next one will be so bright, that you will be able to finally start running with your life. Stop crawling, stand up and dash like a wind full confidence of what’s ahead of you, taking everything you have been striving for along the way. Are you the light I have been looking for? If so… why the hell am I still feeling like I am surrounded by darkness that’s constraining my movement? It creeps from behind, left side, right side, lurking in shadows of doubt and unknown… Where are you…? I need you… I need your light to show me the path, so I can finally start running… “

Art Prints

” Unreal Dweller Box ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + Samyang 8mm F3.5 Fisheye CS II )

” I look at it and it feels unreal… I know it’s real. I stand right in front of it… I can touch it, lick it, interact with it in a hundred different ways, but it still looks like something painted just for my eyes. Is it the composition that pushes it into something too beautiful to be real, or is it the mixture of bright colours you don’t normally see in places like this? Perhaps both things. A simple block of flats, yet all my senses are tingling, telling me; this is it Chan, take out your camera and capture the living hell out of it before it’s too late. God damn it… I really love those buildings, you know… They contain so many lives, so much love, hate, happiness, problems and so much more… My second wish, if I ever had three of them, would be living in a different flat every few days/weeks/months. I would love to look at people’s life, be a part of their daily ups and downs, and when finally bored… just move into another one to experience something different, or the same, but with different people. They remind me of a chocolate box. You know what to expect more or less, but you will never know for sure, until you look inside of it. Every single window hides another secret. Every room filled with something different. Personal memories, preferences, echoes of shared moments and history. So many things to look at, even more to talk about. What a treasure box… “

Art Prints

http://tgchan.com/featured/unreal-dweller-box-tgchan.html

” Super Cosy Spot ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + Samyang 8mm F3.5 Fisheye CS II )

” Not in direct sunlight but in shadows… not in complete darkness though, my sweet spot lies. Somewhere between those two… Somewhere close, so I can see the transition clearly and derive the best of both worlds. Once the light weakens, the shadow grows stronger, slowly devouring and conquering the lands that originally belonged to it. The war will be over soon enough, but the victory is not permanent, nothing ever is… What you take, must be eventually returned. The light still fights strong, bravely pushing darkness back to its black roots. Futile resistance, yet so noble and admirable. I stand there and observe two of the greatest powers duelling for domination, right in front of my eyes… Me, a mere mortal… and even though I know whose turn to win is this time, it’s still magnificent to be a witness of it. Besides, you can never be certain of anything. I can already feel the chills of darkness on my back, but my eyes are focused on warmth of the light in front of me. Beautiful… isn’t it? Now, the best thing is that I can start moving with the darkness, chasing the light and feel the power of the winner. If I choose to… I can step into the light, and start feeling the dread of annihilation, running away in fear. Everything changes… things once so obvious become mysterious. Familiar shapes start becoming unknown and ominous. Uncertainty… is it really the place where happiness dwells? Or is it the moment when you can choose between two things, but you have still not decided, draining positive energy from the both possible realities at the same time? You know you will have to decide what to choose eventually, losing one thing or another as a result of a decision, but you keep stalling the moment, enjoying the freedom of choice. Is it a freedom? Why do I have to choose? Can I choose not to choose? Where am I going with all this…? It doesn’t matter what hides underneath… Just enjoy it. The very same way, I have enjoyed being at my super cosy spot for that brief moment. “

tgchan.com

” 1A ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + Samyang 8mm F3.5 Fisheye CS II )

” Another journey, another gem well hidden deep down in the concrete jungle. Another great discovery. It is not only the place though. Time of the day, time of the year, weather, your eyes and what you currently feel behind them. All this and probably so much more. It is the proper combination of many factors, all well synced up. I could come to the very same place another day and it would look totally different, I might not even notice it in the first place. Hell, it might be even a matter of a few minutes, if not seconds. The sun goes behind clouds and the magic of that particular place is gone for that moment. What I am trying to say is… sometimes you are just meant to be somewhere at some point in your life. You are meant to experience and see events that have occurred just for you, and for you alone. This is what drives me. This is the reason why I grab the camera, this is the reason why I sometimes walk for ten hours in a single day. This is my reward and motivation. You never know what you will see, you cannot expect it, you can’t even imagine it. It is just there sitting and waiting for you, and once you finally face it, it fades away slowly afterwards, leaving nothing but an echo in your memory. ” For years I have been seeing the beauty of the everyday life, places and objects, not sure what to do with it… An invisible link between worlds which has always been pulling me in… How can you explain it to someone? The strange energy of awe that is coming from certain places, moments and things… How can you share them when they are so fragile that every second might be their last… ” – now I know… and you know as well. “

tgchan.com

” Inception Of The Tree Of Life ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + Samyang 8mm F3.5 Fisheye CS II )

” The Tree of Life… What are you doing here all alone, surrounded by all those concrete walls with glassy eyes? You are far away from your place, you must be so lonely… Look what they have done to you… How can you live like that? Constantly drowned in shadows, waiting whole days just for a glimpse of sunshine… it must be unbearable. Hmm… now that sounds awfully familiar… I think I know what keeps you alive, and I am most certainly sure how you must feel. Worry not my dear fellow, you are not alone in this miserable journey. You are beautiful, you know… You might not be in your ideal place in life, but you are truly special, and those who are lucky enough to be in your presence, really do enjoy your magnificence. Lost, but still unique and so uncanny. Have you ever wondered, why are we placed the way we are in our existence? Is it a pure randomness, or is it something entirely greater than that? If it is the first thing… we are truly fucked, aren’t we my friend? Imagine uprooting now, after so many years of wasted life… it can’t be easy, can it? If it is the second option… well, we have some purpose of being in such a position, and we can’t do much about it, except for understanding it, and waiting for the highest point in our lives. I don’t know… this thinking feels too comforting, could it be just a nasty lie? Where do you even seek such an answer? Can you know for sure, once you learn of it? Dear Tree… what is it going to be? Do we really have a chance? Can we really turn things upside down? Look, the sky is already bending to your will… I think we can… “

tgchan.com

” Not Enough ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” My 200th upload… why not make it special, huh? You most definitely were, so it should go all nicely with the rest of it. I know you have always wanted me to dedicate one of my work and description just to you, so here it is… finally. We have never had a chance for a real goodbye, have we? I know… it was partially my fault, I admit it. I just couldn’t be there with you knowing that you are looking for someone else to replace me with. I couldn’t bear it, I had to remove myself from your life. See, I can be confident and decisive in my choices, just not where everyone else is… You once asked me, what do I love the most about you, and I didn’t want to tell you at that time, but now… well, it doesn’t exist any more. It is quite simple you see… The way you cared about me, constantly fighting and never losing faith in me, was the thing that I loved the most about you. Of course, there is so much more, but this single idea, that I am so important and special to you, was the beginning of everything for me. I thought, if I am so important to her, and she is willing to do so much for me… she deserves everything I have to offer. I had so little… but it was enough for you to stay, you kept believing in me. My whole life, was just me alone really… I have never thought I would meet someone like you. I dreamt about it… but we all know that dream world and the reality are two things that rarely coexist together. Everything I have designed and shaped into, was completely opposite to what you needed and hoped for. Your big plans about the family and everything else… You never gave up on them, did you? Not until the very end of it… You really thought you will change my mind eventually… It looks like we have both disappointed each other… It is quite ironic though, don’t you think ? Everything you wished for, eventually came true… I guess we will never find out about the rest now. I used to know things, I was sure of them and confident about my life philosophy… Now, I can’t even trust my own thoughts. It feels like I am surrounded by a crowd of traitors, not knowing who will stab me first. Do I want to bring you back? No. I mean, I don’t fucking know okay… Do you want to suffer? Come and join the party. I count days on which I am not crying thinking about you. My record is five days in a row so far, but I got tired holding it all back after a while, so I am back at one again. Do you want to have a nice family and be happy? STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. You once said that I can’t stop thinking about you because I have no life… ouch… it is okay though, it is partially true. My life was always simple, but I have never had trouble filling my free time, never. See, the thing is… you became my life, and I didn’t want to do anything without you. I have been trying to shut my old life down in order to learn and share the new one just with you. The hole you have left in my life is something you cannot really fix. I have been circling round it, looking at it and trying to find some answers, make sense of it or just simply understand it, but the only thing I have got from doing so, is even more questions and pain. I am trying to sit on the edge of what is left of my life, but I find myself constantly falling back into the black abyss of sorrow. I really hate waking up in the mornings now you know… everything feels so empty without you. I hate the moments when my family asks about you as well… I squeeze my fists, trying not to burst into tears, and try to change the subject as fast as I can, before the emotions get the best of me. Sometimes I find peace of mind by looking at myself in a mirror… I say, wow… what a miserable fuck you are, and I feel better that you are gone… you deserve so much more. Hopefully you will never look back, not this time. I just wanted you to know that I have never resigned from you, I have just lost with my biggest enemy, myself. You are a part of me know, you will always be. I am so sorry I was not enough of who you wanted me to be… I really am. Heh funny… I still cannot breathe when I think about you. I will never understand how could I let you go… it doesn’t make sense. All this talking and being honest with each other didn’t really help much after all… heh, it’s sad. I wanted us to be so different, I thought I have it all figured out… I really believed that. So this is it, I guess… You are another exhibit in my museum of unfulfilled dreams now… the place where I have never wanted you to be. I …. ….. … .. ……. …. Zmijka… I really did. \o/ “

Art Prints