” Spiky Greens ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

I always knew… I have always known what I want in life… I was sure and confident about it as well… I don’t know what happened, I mean I know… but it is too hard for me to believe it. It scares me because I know it’s true, and I don’t know the way out of it now… I have set myself on the path that was not designed for me at all… I have triggered the bomb, and I don’t know how to stop the countdown. Piece by piece, life is stripping me of what I have known… Leaving me with nothing but darkness and chaos in my mind. I don’t know what I want any more, what is even worse; I feel like the things I have always loved doing are leaving me as well… All my pillars of existence are crumbling underneath the weight of emptiness. I just don’t know any more… I feel like those spiky greens shivering and trembling in the wind, unconsciously waiting to be finally knock down from their highest point in life…

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” Mystery Continues ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

” So, the mystery continues… I am still trying to figure out what’s so special about those blocks of flats to me. I think it comes from my childhood. See, I didn’t use to go out a lot when I was a kid. I was basically living my whole life in my beloved flat most of the time, and I really liked it. I was enjoying outside activities at my grandparents at the weekends, but that was it. Five days a week, I was sitting at my home playing games, watching telly and playing with my toys, all the time (except for when I had to go out to school, obviously; which I wasn’t really fond of…). I totally loved my childhood, by the way. Hah~!! I was just reading it over out loud and I realised that my current adult life resembles the one from my childhood almost identically… wow… It looks I haven’t moved in life at all… Anyway, I was spending my life in tight enclosed spaces most of the time, so this might be one of the reasons. The second one I have figured out is probably connected with my lone style of life. See, I don’t have many friends you know. To tell the truth, I don’t have any at the moment. I had two best friends a long time ago, but they are… out there in the world somewhere now. So I think, I really enjoy being around people, even though I don’t like 98% of them. I am leading a solitary boring life, so it makes me feel nice being in places where life just lives the normal way, you know? I am pretty sure it all adds up to itself. Childhood nostalgia, loneliness, love of being outside, taking something back as a souvenir and probably so much more… All that is the reason why I enjoy doing what I do so much, and it explains a lot why I am being so attracted to those places… I feel like I am at home, even though the real one is far far away sometimes. I feel I belong between those tall buildings (inside and on top of them too!). It’s a truly magical experience for me every time I go out there. I just wish I had someone to share those moments with… Just that one person I could take with me and get lost in time… “

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” Industrial Beauty ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

” It is one of those pieces… One of those pieces that nobody understands… Hesitation… should I delete it and move on looking for something more popularly likeable? No Chan, you shouldn’t. Trust your instinct. You were browsing photographs and something clicked right away when you saw it for the first time. That’s pure, something real, genuine beauty in its raw form. Keep it. So I did. It’s really hard to explain what I love about it without giving my own eyes and mind to someone else to experience it my way. Though I shall do my best and try to explain it. Let’s start with the major things first. Light and shade, both living in mutual respect, both perfectly completing each other. There is a beautiful bright and happy sky on the upper part, there is also not so happy darker shaded area at the bottom. They give this balanced and complete look of it. You also cannot not notice those four beautiful chrome chimneys… All shiny and glittering in the sun. An amazing reflection of them on the nearby wall, awesome green grass at the bottom left corner, billowy clouds above, branches… There is so much going on, so many things to look at… It’s cosy… It’s one of those special places. I call them ‘magical spots’. You just want to stand there and enjoy everything that surrounds you. It makes you so happy, full of appreciation and energy to live. It is also very hard to capture it. I keep looking at it, and I can’t believe I almost deleted it… I love it so much. Those colours and tint… Everything just ads up to itself creating this Industrial Beauty. Things like that gets me going another hours, days, weeks worth of pure walking… Just to find another one of those magical spots… “

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” Handsome Fellow ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” A Handsome Fellow waiting for his new girl outside her home. This is the first time they are going to see each other in person. They have known each other for more than a year but they have never met in real life before. He is very calm on the outside but a little bit stressed on the inside. He wants to make a nice first impression after all. It is somewhat funny. They both know exactly who they are going to meet, but it is still so exciting and somehow enigmatic. He has an intention of making this meeting a very special one. A highly sophisticated list of things to do together is charmingly troubling his soft mind. He wasn’t too nice for her many times in past. Not that he didn’t like her, but to keep distance and to keep his head clear. After so much wasted time, so many nice opportunities missed, he finally decided to gave it a shot. Despite all the negative things and the lack of mutual interests, he can’t be sure that she is not meant for him. She’s won. She will finally learn the truth the hard way. It should be such a nice journey, the weather is just right. Not too hot, not too cold. Wind present, but not pushy. And clouds… the clouds are surely magnificent today; big, heavy and so billowy… just the way he loves them. He’s afraid. He’s frightened to the bone of not being good enough once again. He’s scared of wasting what’s left of his emotions on the wrong person. How can she be the right one? She looks okay, she’s quite smart too, but what about some crucial things like passion, mutual things they would both like. There are literally no things that would hold them together except for fucking… and that… you can find just anywhere… Oh dear… he’s hesitating again. Torn apart between what he thinks is right and what if he is mistaken… He needs that hug so much, but what if it is just another trap… What if it will only hurt him and force to leave another piece of his heart in the wrong place… He whispers: ” She isn’t real, I can’t make her real… ” He turns around and walks away, repeating ” She isn’t real, there’s no one for me here… ” “

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” Pastel Madness ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” Beyond seven mountains, beyond seven rivers… there is a faraway land called, Pastel Madness. The local people living there believe in a very strange legend. Some of them claim that every 8 years a very special event occurs on one of the nearby hills. They say that during that special time you can ask for one thing, and one thing only, that shall be granted to you. It only works for one person so you have to be the first with your wish. It starts like every other sunset but it certainly is not. You can notice it quite easily with its unique delicate pastel-coloured sky. Now the fun part begins… After a short while of standing on the correct hill; oh yes my dear… you have to be lucky enough to stand on the correct hill during that phenomenon as well, you should notice strange winds accosting your body from every possible direction. What is so unique about them, you may ask… Well, what if I told you the winds have the most delicious scents you can possibly imagine, and they change every few seconds too. After the winds, the most interesting part comes along. The air around you supposed to get thicker and thicker. Soon enough, every pastel colour you can see around yourself turns into cotton wool. Different colour, different flavour. All within your arm’s reach, you don’t even have to move to get it, you just grab it straight from the sky. Once you eat enough, the time should stop for 8 seconds; that is the moment when you should shout your wish out. It sound ridiculous, I know… Yet, there are people who believe it so blindly that they are going to sacrifice their lives just to get a chance to make their wish… I’ve heard some crazy stories about people living on the hills, families moving to nearby towns and villages from across the world just to be closer to this allegedly special place, and many many more… I look at the sky, and it indeed look like it’s got this very magical pastel vibe to it… Sure, there was lots of wind going on too, but I didn’t smell anything nice, hmm… Did I get down too quickly? Maybe I was on the wrong hill? Damn it~!! Why do I even bother!? It doesn’t matter. It is just a story for kids. But the sky… there’s something about it… “

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” Dusty Hill ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” I saw that hill before… Unfortunately at that time I was unable to climb it and check what is there that’s hiding from me. I kept looking at it from down below with great curiosity. I knew I would come back here and find out what’s on top of it one day; it was just a matter of time. Not so long after, a few months perhaps, there I was… standing again and looking at it… The pros and cons running through my mind… The decision is made. I am going up. I crossed the road and started climbing it. It’s much higher than I thought it was. I started running. I want it now. I want to see what’s on top of it and I don’t want to wait any longer. I am getting tired. It is much much higher than it looks like from back down. And that wind… the higher I climb the stronger it gets. I start running again. My body produces tremendous amount of heat. I can feel my legs getting all swollen up from all the blood being pumped to muscles. I am walking and sweating. I can feel wind piercing my body. Will I get ill afterwards? Will the wind get me? I run again. My jeans are so tight they will burst any minute now. I keep wondering; how is it possible that my legs got so fat so quick. It feels like they have been hiding their real potential from me. The moment I checked the jeans on my thighs was also the moment I noticed all the mud around me. The soil was wet. What the hell… It was so dry back down. There’s an endless field on my left and right. The only thing that separates me from all this muddy hell is a very narrow path of grass I have been running up the hill. Unfortunately I have also found out that I am not safe even here… With every step I was taking, a big cloud of dirty muddy dust was arising from the grass… I was trapped. I was somewhere in the middle of my way to the top… my boots and the lower part of jeans were dirty, grey and white from all that dust I have been kicking around for the last couple of minutes… The moment of great regret grasped me hard and squeezed painfully. Stupid… so stupid; I thought. Who in their right minds would run up some big ass hill just to find out the view… I was seriously thinking of making my way back down, but what was the point? I would have to go back the same way and giving up now didn’t make any sense. I started running up again, occasionally looking down, only to find out how it hurts my soul seeing all that dust flying on my boots and jeans… Finally I reached the top… There was nothing there… The hill was just flat… and behind it… there was just mud… endless fields of mud… I remembered that one tree I had seen from back down. I decided to meet it in person… Unfortunately, the only way to it, was through the mud… It felt like walking through a minefield. I was scared that my next step will be tragic and my boot will get swallowed or something… After short but utterly stressful and careful walk, I reached the tree… We talked for a while… it was nice. I remember running down as quickly as I could just to have the dusty path behind me. I wasn’t happy back then, but now… when I look at my friend from the hill… You tell me, if it was worth it or not… “

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” Resident Evil ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” Not so far from the city… there is a mansion. The mansion nobody wants to talk about… It’s supposed to be abandoned, but there are many people who claim they have seen bright lights at night multiple times. There are also reports of missing people who have allegedly ventured on its premises. It is uncomfortable and unsettling… it just sits there. Nobody likes it, nobody wants it there, everyone demands some answers about it, but there is simply no one to give them. It feels like an itch you cannot scratch. There are some crazy rumours going on about it as well. There are sources claiming that the building belongs to the Umbrella Corporation; an omnipresent major pharmaceutical company reputed for its evil and ruthless nature, sacrificing anyone and anything in their quest to achieve perfection. To the public, Umbrella is simply the leading provider in technology, medical and healthcare products… But everyone knows that the Umbrella Corporation also supplies viral weaponry across the world and holds considerable clout within the political and business ring. Now the thing I am going to tell you may sound like the talk of a crazy person, but there are some proofs backing up the story of one of the people who have allegedly partially explored the building. That person said that the mansion is just a front for the secret transport link to the Hive; an underground bioweapons research facility located under the city. I know… believe me, I know exactly how it sounds like but… What if I told you that everyone directly connected with the rumour has either emigrated to another country or just disappeared, and there is no one who knows what has really happened with them. Some poor family is still hopelessly fighting Umbrella Corp. in courts, which is allegedly responsible for the disappearance of their son. You may think what you want, but I know there is something not right about this building. It may look just normal to you, but there is too much things going on about it. Hopefully, I will not get into some kind of trouble because of this photograph… If I disappear or suddenly “emigrate” to god knows where… you will know who might be responsible for it. “

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” Come Out Come Out ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” Come out, Come out… wherever you are… You can’t hide forever. It is a matter of time when the real you will take control, step out of the shade, come to light, show true colours. You can’t be perfect, not for a longer while. The cracks will start showing up, you’ll break, fall apart. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t be the best version of yourself for too long. It doesn’t matter for who and why… you just can’t. The legend says, you can leave your old you, and become a totally different person in a matter of seconds. The art of personality switch is a long time forgotten skill. You can become whoever you want, do whatever you want, and have whatever you want. You can leave imperfect yourself behind, become someone you have always dreamt of being. Do things you have always been afraid of doing, and finally reach for the things that were out of your reach before. It is not permanent, you can’t stay in that state forever. It’s exhausting and tiring. Is it worth it? Are you determined hard enough? Are you ready to become someone who is not you, in order to get what you want from life? The legends says, if you reach the highest level of mastering the art of personality switch, you can do it whenever you want, and last in the new form… for as long as you need it. It also says, there is a risk of irreversibly damaging and altering your old self. Random unwanted personality switches may occur, without the crucial element of leaving the old mind behind, you may find yourself internally torn apart, wanting two different things most of the time. Eventually you will become demented, living two different lives in one body, eternally split between what you want, and what you can’t… Forever shattered, beyond the point of repair… “

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” Vegetable Guts ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” I keep going back and back thinking what is the best food for humans to eat. Should we even know the taste of animals’ meat? I don’t think we are predators, therefore we shouldn’t eat anything that has been killed by us. Just look at our body. We are not designed to kill, not really. We can create and make a great use of tools, but our body? I honestly don’t think nature wanted us to go after other animals. It’s weird… I have been enjoying and eating meat from the beginning of my life. Hmm… let me think. Vegetables, fruits and other things we can get from animals without hurting them; eggs, honey, milk etc., they are all packed with everything we need, and even more. So why do we kill and eat animals as well? Now that really has started me thinking. Can I do it? Can I really go on without any meat? At the moment my answer is; no I can’t. I mean, I don’t want to. Of course I could, if I wanted… But I most definitely will think about it in free time. What advantages it may have? Hmm I wonder. We don’t have big teeth, venom, claws etc., our biggest weapon is our brain. Theoretically speaking, we should have never started eating animals. That’s fucked up…I wonder if this thought will convert me into a vegetarian at some point. I don’t think so… maybe in the next life. But I do believe, eating other animals is a mistake. We are on top of the food chain, yet we behave like we are somewhere in a middle… Maybe we are… Maybe we are bred like hens and other animals, but for a different reason… The reason we have no idea about… Now that makes sense… “

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” I Do Not Know ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” I don’t know… If you are reading this, there is a good chance that you are probably looking at one of my last photographs as well. It came out of nowhere… really. How could I not see this coming… I had a hard time bringing back something worthy from my last journeys. I should have seen that coming. I think a new phone which was a gift from my brother was the final nail in the coffin. The first video I made with it to be precise, was the point when everything has changed. The funny thing is that I have picked up photography in the first place because the idea of filming, storing all those videos and uploading them with my super slow internet… well… let’s just say, it didn’t look too attractive, and I have decided it wasn’t an option for me. Oh, and I couldn’t have sell and present my videos in such a nice way as the photographs. Not that I have sold any or it was my priority, but yea… at that time the dream was big and lucrative. Any way, there were many situation where I wanted to share something with a viewer, but the photographs were too limiting. I was going wider and wider with the choice of my lenses, but it helped me only to a degree. With a moving picture, not constrained to any particular frame, I can show what I love about certain places and things. Nothing really changed though, I still don’t like the idea of storing video files, uploading them with the same slow ass internet, and everything else to be honest… BUT! My last journey was totally dominated by videos… I have taken like 3 or so photographs, and made tens of short video clips which excited me so much. When I felt that great excitement while I was filming, that feeling that I can share everything what I see with a viewer, that was it. I knew this is the place I want to be. There are still many great things to photograph, and ideally I should have two systems with me; one for photographs and the other one for videos. Maybe I will be able to come up with something that will satisfy me in both. I don’t know… I really am up to my ears in filming. I don’t know where it all goes… I just know I love it, and this is my new way of expressing what I love. If you are curious about the new thing, just search for tgchan on youtube and you shall find it/ “

www.youtube.com/user/tgchan

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