” Mystery Continues ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

” So, the mystery continues… I am still trying to figure out what’s so special about those blocks of flats to me. I think it comes from my childhood. See, I didn’t use to go out a lot when I was a kid. I was basically living my whole life in my beloved flat most of the time, and I really liked it. I was enjoying outside activities at my grandparents at the weekends, but that was it. Five days a week, I was sitting at my home playing games, watching telly and playing with my toys, all the time (except for when I had to go out to school, obviously; which I wasn’t really fond of…). I totally loved my childhood, by the way. Hah~!! I was just reading it over out loud and I realised that my current adult life resembles the one from my childhood almost identically… wow… It looks I haven’t moved in life at all… Anyway, I was spending my life in tight enclosed spaces most of the time, so this might be one of the reasons. The second one I have figured out is probably connected with my lone style of life. See, I don’t have many friends you know. To tell the truth, I don’t have any at the moment. I had two best friends a long time ago, but they are… out there in the world somewhere now. So I think, I really enjoy being around people, even though I don’t like 98% of them. I am leading a solitary boring life, so it makes me feel nice being in places where life just lives the normal way, you know? I am pretty sure it all adds up to itself. Childhood nostalgia, loneliness, love of being outside, taking something back as a souvenir and probably so much more… All that is the reason why I enjoy doing what I do so much, and it explains a lot why I am being so attracted to those places… I feel like I am at home, even though the real one is far far away sometimes. I feel I belong between those tall buildings (inside and on top of them too!). It’s a truly magical experience for me every time I go out there. I just wish I had someone to share those moments with… Just that one person I could take with me and get lost in time… “

Art Prints

” Not Enough ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” My 200th upload… why not make it special, huh? You most definitely were, so it should go all nicely with the rest of it. I know you have always wanted me to dedicate one of my work and description just to you, so here it is… finally. We have never had a chance for a real goodbye, have we? I know… it was partially my fault, I admit it. I just couldn’t be there with you knowing that you are looking for someone else to replace me with. I couldn’t bear it, I had to remove myself from your life. See, I can be confident and decisive in my choices, just not where everyone else is… You once asked me, what do I love the most about you, and I didn’t want to tell you at that time, but now… well, it doesn’t exist any more. It is quite simple you see… The way you cared about me, constantly fighting and never losing faith in me, was the thing that I loved the most about you. Of course, there is so much more, but this single idea, that I am so important and special to you, was the beginning of everything for me. I thought, if I am so important to her, and she is willing to do so much for me… she deserves everything I have to offer. I had so little… but it was enough for you to stay, you kept believing in me. My whole life, was just me alone really… I have never thought I would meet someone like you. I dreamt about it… but we all know that dream world and the reality are two things that rarely coexist together. Everything I have designed and shaped into, was completely opposite to what you needed and hoped for. Your big plans about the family and everything else… You never gave up on them, did you? Not until the very end of it… You really thought you will change my mind eventually… It looks like we have both disappointed each other… It is quite ironic though, don’t you think ? Everything you wished for, eventually came true… I guess we will never find out about the rest now. I used to know things, I was sure of them and confident about my life philosophy… Now, I can’t even trust my own thoughts. It feels like I am surrounded by a crowd of traitors, not knowing who will stab me first. Do I want to bring you back? No. I mean, I don’t fucking know okay… Do you want to suffer? Come and join the party. I count days on which I am not crying thinking about you. My record is five days in a row so far, but I got tired holding it all back after a while, so I am back at one again. Do you want to have a nice family and be happy? STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. You once said that I can’t stop thinking about you because I have no life… ouch… it is okay though, it is partially true. My life was always simple, but I have never had trouble filling my free time, never. See, the thing is… you became my life, and I didn’t want to do anything without you. I have been trying to shut my old life down in order to learn and share the new one just with you. The hole you have left in my life is something you cannot really fix. I have been circling round it, looking at it and trying to find some answers, make sense of it or just simply understand it, but the only thing I have got from doing so, is even more questions and pain. I am trying to sit on the edge of what is left of my life, but I find myself constantly falling back into the black abyss of sorrow. I really hate waking up in the mornings now you know… everything feels so empty without you. I hate the moments when my family asks about you as well… I squeeze my fists, trying not to burst into tears, and try to change the subject as fast as I can, before the emotions get the best of me. Sometimes I find peace of mind by looking at myself in a mirror… I say, wow… what a miserable fuck you are, and I feel better that you are gone… you deserve so much more. Hopefully you will never look back, not this time. I just wanted you to know that I have never resigned from you, I have just lost with my biggest enemy, myself. You are a part of me know, you will always be. I am so sorry I was not enough of who you wanted me to be… I really am. Heh funny… I still cannot breathe when I think about you. I will never understand how could I let you go… it doesn’t make sense. All this talking and being honest with each other didn’t really help much after all… heh, it’s sad. I wanted us to be so different, I thought I have it all figured out… I really believed that. So this is it, I guess… You are another exhibit in my museum of unfulfilled dreams now… the place where I have never wanted you to be. I …. ….. … .. ……. …. Zmijka… I really did. \o/ “

Art Prints

” Faceless ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 77mm F1.8 Limited )

” Faceless Angels walking down the face of earth… like a wind, passing transparently between souls lost and broken. They judge, analyse, take and give. You may never know when you meet one of those wretched creations, once of a heavenly descent. Ruined, knocked off, shattered, disgraced… and finally cast away. Forever trapped between the worlds of eternal flame and clouds, unwanted… thrown away. Evermore imprisoned in wander without a destination. Enslaved in order to do things no other great being wish to do. Pulling down those who ascent way to fast, giving a boost to those of critical need. All this and many more demeaning deeds, constantly surrounded by ever rotting flesh, dirt and filth of mankind that multiplies like a disease. The face that haunts, the hands that scrape and the mossy breath… insides filled with nothing, programmed for indifference and apathy, perpetually impassive. It’s not here to help you, it’s not there to hinder… It’s not your friend nor the enemy… Balance, it’s the only thing of its interest. My Fair Stone Wingless Lady, have you finally come to raise me… or you’re here to crush me, and put me out of my misery… “

Art Prints

http://tgchan.com/featured/faceless-tgchan.html

” Left Behind ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-50 + SMC Pentax-DA 50mm F1.8 )

” Some things are meant to be left behind… Others, we cannot take with us. Through our lifetime, we gather so much physical things… Though, we cannot take even single one of them, to another life. All items are deeply connected with our lives. What a shame, they will never be able to tell our stories… yet there is something unique about them. You can definitely feel, they hide and carry some kind of secret information… Unfortunately, you cannot read nor learn about it. I look at this forgotten padlock and wonder, how many days and nights it has already witnessed, how many more it will… before nature will take its last mineral back to its own place. Long time forgotten items, the treasure chests of abandoned memories… “

 

http://tgchan.com/featured/left-behind-tgchan.html

 

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