” Groups Of Understanding ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

A group of people here. A group of people there. You can rarely see somebody alone. And even if you do, there is a great chance they are just going to meet somebody. People are definitely not meant to live alone. So what gives that some people can’t imagine life without bunch of random friends around them whilst others can’t imagine being amongst almost anyone? I believe it is a matter of personality and its complexity. People without the greater depth are more likely to find someone similar to them than people whose nature is rather complex. If you are not on the same page as others, there is a good chance you will not be liked or enjoy the company of those people, probably both. Being alone is not a fate though. It is a choice you make. Of course some people have it much harder to find somebody similar to themselves, if they live in a small town or village for example. It is a matter of time and determination though, so if you really want to find some friend with whom you could share your weirdness, don’t lose hope; it is by all means possible. So going further down this road I’ve tried to answer my own question: why am I alone? I’ve come to a conclusion there is no single reason behind it, rather a combination of a few. The biggest one would be; it’s my choice. My complexity is beyond a chance to find anyone on the same page. The best case scenario for me is to find someone in the same book. My requirements and expectations are similar to my dreams, they’re almost unreal to reach. I don’t even clearly remember how it feels to be around a bunch of good friends any more. I used to have that in the time of my childhood and it was great, but… There’s just too much going on in my head right now, I wouldn’t be able to focus. So yea… it is my choice. It is nice to know there are people who would take their time and try to understand me though, I know they’re out there. Thank you for being and sorry for my isolation.

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” Spiky Greens ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

I always knew… I have always known what I want in life… I was sure and confident about it as well… I don’t know what happened, I mean I know… but it is too hard for me to believe it. It scares me because I know it’s true, and I don’t know the way out of it now… I have set myself on the path that was not designed for me at all… I have triggered the bomb, and I don’t know how to stop the countdown. Piece by piece, life is stripping me of what I have known… Leaving me with nothing but darkness and chaos in my mind. I don’t know what I want any more, what is even worse; I feel like the things I have always loved doing are leaving me as well… All my pillars of existence are crumbling underneath the weight of emptiness. I just don’t know any more… I feel like those spiky greens shivering and trembling in the wind, unconsciously waiting to be finally knock down from their highest point in life…

Art Prints

” Dunno One ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

There are so many artists… Even more people with all sorts of talents… It scares me… It scares me that there are so many amazing individuals the world does not know about? Why? Why do they have to live a life of an unknown? Why some people, very often less talented, climb the ladder of success while the rest, more deserved of that place, have to live a lesser life? It looks like having a talent and knowing about it is just not enough to be out there. You have to make yourself visible. You can’t be famous or even appreciated if the world doesn’t know about your existence. Death is the last scream your personality makes before it vanishes forever. I mean, even if you get all the ovations you can get, but you are still dead, what is it good for? You either make it on time, or it doesn’t matter… Unless you dream about some fame after your departure to another life. The one thing that scares me even more is not finding your real talent before it’s too late, or ever at all. I am genuinely scared of living my life the wrong way. ” Remember, the saddest thing in life is wasted talent. You could have all the talent in the world, but if you don’t do the right thing, then nothing happens. ” – A Bronx Tale (1993)

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” Mystery Continues ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

” So, the mystery continues… I am still trying to figure out what’s so special about those blocks of flats to me. I think it comes from my childhood. See, I didn’t use to go out a lot when I was a kid. I was basically living my whole life in my beloved flat most of the time, and I really liked it. I was enjoying outside activities at my grandparents at the weekends, but that was it. Five days a week, I was sitting at my home playing games, watching telly and playing with my toys, all the time (except for when I had to go out to school, obviously; which I wasn’t really fond of…). I totally loved my childhood, by the way. Hah~!! I was just reading it over out loud and I realised that my current adult life resembles the one from my childhood almost identically… wow… It looks I haven’t moved in life at all… Anyway, I was spending my life in tight enclosed spaces most of the time, so this might be one of the reasons. The second one I have figured out is probably connected with my lone style of life. See, I don’t have many friends you know. To tell the truth, I don’t have any at the moment. I had two best friends a long time ago, but they are… out there in the world somewhere now. So I think, I really enjoy being around people, even though I don’t like 98% of them. I am leading a solitary boring life, so it makes me feel nice being in places where life just lives the normal way, you know? I am pretty sure it all adds up to itself. Childhood nostalgia, loneliness, love of being outside, taking something back as a souvenir and probably so much more… All that is the reason why I enjoy doing what I do so much, and it explains a lot why I am being so attracted to those places… I feel like I am at home, even though the real one is far far away sometimes. I feel I belong between those tall buildings (inside and on top of them too!). It’s a truly magical experience for me every time I go out there. I just wish I had someone to share those moments with… Just that one person I could take with me and get lost in time… “

Art Prints

” Industrial Beauty ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

” It is one of those pieces… One of those pieces that nobody understands… Hesitation… should I delete it and move on looking for something more popularly likeable? No Chan, you shouldn’t. Trust your instinct. You were browsing photographs and something clicked right away when you saw it for the first time. That’s pure, something real, genuine beauty in its raw form. Keep it. So I did. It’s really hard to explain what I love about it without giving my own eyes and mind to someone else to experience it my way. Though I shall do my best and try to explain it. Let’s start with the major things first. Light and shade, both living in mutual respect, both perfectly completing each other. There is a beautiful bright and happy sky on the upper part, there is also not so happy darker shaded area at the bottom. They give this balanced and complete look of it. You also cannot not notice those four beautiful chrome chimneys… All shiny and glittering in the sun. An amazing reflection of them on the nearby wall, awesome green grass at the bottom left corner, billowy clouds above, branches… There is so much going on, so many things to look at… It’s cosy… It’s one of those special places. I call them ‘magical spots’. You just want to stand there and enjoy everything that surrounds you. It makes you so happy, full of appreciation and energy to live. It is also very hard to capture it. I keep looking at it, and I can’t believe I almost deleted it… I love it so much. Those colours and tint… Everything just ads up to itself creating this Industrial Beauty. Things like that gets me going another hours, days, weeks worth of pure walking… Just to find another one of those magical spots… “

Art Prints

 

 

” Ribs ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” Every creation, physical or not, big or small, long term or just a short one, they all need a solid construction, the thing that will uphold the weight of the future plans. The greater the plan, the greater support is required. Tough ribs to protect soft and fragile investment. The question is… is it worth building all that around something that may never appear inside of it in the first place? How do you know? How can you be sure? What if it is just an illusion? A dream that will always stay just a dream… Is this what has happened here? Is it an empty cage of ribs protecting someone’s dream that has never come true? Was I here too early? Is the dream still possible to be fulfilled? Or is it just another skeleton left behind… A brutally interrupted vision, a reminder of something that could have been someone’s escape from the usual… A great dream that has shattered against sharp edges of the broken reality. The light… is it still with it? Or has it already started taking it apart? It looks so solid… so enormous… By the look of it, it looks like a real big honest love, I have seen it before. What happened? Something tragic must have happened. Those ribs… so secure, almost completed. Great plans, amazing love, big happy family… What could have possibly stop such hard work and dedication… Perhaps, I am indeed too early here. Maybe it all is still in movement, still alive, still has got a future… Maybe I was just… too early… “

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” Decoloured ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” What you see, what you feel… sometimes can go two different ways. Everything turns green, blooms, birds happily chirping, frogs croaking, colours have invaded dark and boring places… spring is here. It is warm, very warm, almost summer-like too warm, but the wind is making it all nice. Everything is so cheerful, happy and so damn alive… I am not unhappy or sad… unsettled and a little lost perhaps… I wish I could synchronise better with all beautiful life around me, derive more pleasure and satisfaction from where I am and what I have. Some things are sprouting and growing full of life, others shrivelling up and dying left alone… Spring, the time when yang is aggressively taking back what yin took not such a long time ago… I can see so many beautiful colours, I am so grey inside… I can feel so much life around me, yet I can barely live and feel my own. I can feel I become desaturated even more. The process of decolourisation is eating me alive, corroding my being and mind. Shake it off, shake it off, regain control. Bring the colours back to your life. There is love. “

Art Prints

” Four Brothers ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” Four Brothers have finally come together… It has been decades since they have all met. They all came up from the same parents. They all grew up together. Unfortunately, life have divided their lives and spread them across the globe. Busy with their careers, work and other activities, they rarely even had time to talk to each other. All is past now though… They’re together, close, united once again. So much to share, so much to talk about, get up to speed, make up for all those years of not caring. They have missed each other so much… It is so unfortunate that such sad event had to be the reason for their meeting. Their beloved parents… gone, forever and ever echoing in their painfully shattered minds. They are all sitting silently together now, watching the sun going down and down. It’s nice… Everything has been taken care of, everything has been done. They can finally relax, and slowly learn how to let this go… It’s warm and cosy. The sun is still giving so much warmth, even though it’s so low… It’s so warm and cosy… “

Art Prints

” Dragon Skin ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” Dragon Skin… Sometimes I think, the only way to stop life getting to you, is to grow dragon skin… So thick and so robust that even flaming hate and love could not get through it. This, or learn how to channel everything that’s harmful with such precision that nothing can really touch you. The latter is probably a better choice, but it’s much harder to achieve as well. Confusion and inability to understand morphs into hate… The skin starts glowing… No response and lack of caring changes hate into rage. The skin lights up… Past memories start bleeding once again. The skin is almost transparent, ready to burst with all might and fury… By the time everything spills over, you are all alone… there is no one there… not any more. It all disperses like a morning fog… All this building up, tension and accumulation of negativity, all for nothing… Waste of time and energy, pointless. Dragon skin would never let it happen. It’s too tough, way too smart to let such things glide through. Black tendons hold it all tight and secure. Glassy flesh will not let you see. Cold and solid, keeps secrets within its boundaries. You can spot life behind its fortification, bright and live, but you cannot get through… It’s way too scared, too fragile, and too soft to let anyone close again. It somehow wants to connect with you, lonely and hungry for another soul, but poor doesn’t know how to get through the very own wall, it once wanted so much to have around itself. Unfortunately trapped in its own shelter. It will take time, hard work and dedication on both sides, too finally free what has been buried so securely underneath dragon skin. Let’s just hope it will be worth the wait and struggle… “

Art Prints

” I Do Not Know ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” I don’t know… If you are reading this, there is a good chance that you are probably looking at one of my last photographs as well. It came out of nowhere… really. How could I not see this coming… I had a hard time bringing back something worthy from my last journeys. I should have seen that coming. I think a new phone which was a gift from my brother was the final nail in the coffin. The first video I made with it to be precise, was the point when everything has changed. The funny thing is that I have picked up photography in the first place because the idea of filming, storing all those videos and uploading them with my super slow internet… well… let’s just say, it didn’t look too attractive, and I have decided it wasn’t an option for me. Oh, and I couldn’t have sell and present my videos in such a nice way as the photographs. Not that I have sold any or it was my priority, but yea… at that time the dream was big and lucrative. Any way, there were many situation where I wanted to share something with a viewer, but the photographs were too limiting. I was going wider and wider with the choice of my lenses, but it helped me only to a degree. With a moving picture, not constrained to any particular frame, I can show what I love about certain places and things. Nothing really changed though, I still don’t like the idea of storing video files, uploading them with the same slow ass internet, and everything else to be honest… BUT! My last journey was totally dominated by videos… I have taken like 3 or so photographs, and made tens of short video clips which excited me so much. When I felt that great excitement while I was filming, that feeling that I can share everything what I see with a viewer, that was it. I knew this is the place I want to be. There are still many great things to photograph, and ideally I should have two systems with me; one for photographs and the other one for videos. Maybe I will be able to come up with something that will satisfy me in both. I don’t know… I really am up to my ears in filming. I don’t know where it all goes… I just know I love it, and this is my new way of expressing what I love. If you are curious about the new thing, just search for tgchan on youtube and you shall find it/ “

www.youtube.com/user/tgchan

Art Prints