” A Handsome Fellow waiting for his new girl outside her home. This is the first time they are going to see each other in person. They have known each other for more than a year but they have never met in real life before. He is very calm on the outside but a little bit stressed on the inside. He wants to make a nice first impression after all. It is somewhat funny. They both know exactly who they are going to meet, but it is still so exciting and somehow enigmatic. He has an intention of making this meeting a very special one. A highly sophisticated list of things to do together is charmingly troubling his soft mind. He wasn’t too nice for her many times in past. Not that he didn’t like her, but to keep distance and to keep his head clear. After so much wasted time, so many nice opportunities missed, he finally decided to gave it a shot. Despite all the negative things and the lack of mutual interests, he can’t be sure that she is not meant for him. She’s won. She will finally learn the truth the hard way. It should be such a nice journey, the weather is just right. Not too hot, not too cold. Wind present, but not pushy. And clouds… the clouds are surely magnificent today; big, heavy and so billowy… just the way he loves them. He’s afraid. He’s frightened to the bone of not being good enough once again. He’s scared of wasting what’s left of his emotions on the wrong person. How can she be the right one? She looks okay, she’s quite smart too, but what about some crucial things like passion, mutual things they would both like. There are literally no things that would hold them together except for fucking… and that… you can find just anywhere… Oh dear… he’s hesitating again. Torn apart between what he thinks is right and what if he is mistaken… He needs that hug so much, but what if it is just another trap… What if it will only hurt him and force to leave another piece of his heart in the wrong place… He whispers: ” She isn’t real, I can’t make her real… ” He turns around and walks away, repeating ” She isn’t real, there’s no one for me here… ” “
” My 200th upload… why not make it special, huh? You most definitely were, so it should go all nicely with the rest of it. I know you have always wanted me to dedicate one of my work and description just to you, so here it is… finally. We have never had a chance for a real goodbye, have we? I know… it was partially my fault, I admit it. I just couldn’t be there with you knowing that you are looking for someone else to replace me with. I couldn’t bear it, I had to remove myself from your life. See, I can be confident and decisive in my choices, just not where everyone else is… You once asked me, what do I love the most about you, and I didn’t want to tell you at that time, but now… well, it doesn’t exist any more. It is quite simple you see… The way you cared about me, constantly fighting and never losing faith in me, was the thing that I loved the most about you. Of course, there is so much more, but this single idea, that I am so important and special to you, was the beginning of everything for me. I thought, if I am so important to her, and she is willing to do so much for me… she deserves everything I have to offer. I had so little… but it was enough for you to stay, you kept believing in me. My whole life, was just me alone really… I have never thought I would meet someone like you. I dreamt about it… but we all know that dream world and the reality are two things that rarely coexist together. Everything I have designed and shaped into, was completely opposite to what you needed and hoped for. Your big plans about the family and everything else… You never gave up on them, did you? Not until the very end of it… You really thought you will change my mind eventually… It looks like we have both disappointed each other… It is quite ironic though, don’t you think ? Everything you wished for, eventually came true… I guess we will never find out about the rest now. I used to know things, I was sure of them and confident about my life philosophy… Now, I can’t even trust my own thoughts. It feels like I am surrounded by a crowd of traitors, not knowing who will stab me first. Do I want to bring you back? No. I mean, I don’t fucking know okay… Do you want to suffer? Come and join the party. I count days on which I am not crying thinking about you. My record is five days in a row so far, but I got tired holding it all back after a while, so I am back at one again. Do you want to have a nice family and be happy? STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. You once said that I can’t stop thinking about you because I have no life… ouch… it is okay though, it is partially true. My life was always simple, but I have never had trouble filling my free time, never. See, the thing is… you became my life, and I didn’t want to do anything without you. I have been trying to shut my old life down in order to learn and share the new one just with you. The hole you have left in my life is something you cannot really fix. I have been circling round it, looking at it and trying to find some answers, make sense of it or just simply understand it, but the only thing I have got from doing so, is even more questions and pain. I am trying to sit on the edge of what is left of my life, but I find myself constantly falling back into the black abyss of sorrow. I really hate waking up in the mornings now you know… everything feels so empty without you. I hate the moments when my family asks about you as well… I squeeze my fists, trying not to burst into tears, and try to change the subject as fast as I can, before the emotions get the best of me. Sometimes I find peace of mind by looking at myself in a mirror… I say, wow… what a miserable fuck you are, and I feel better that you are gone… you deserve so much more. Hopefully you will never look back, not this time. I just wanted you to know that I have never resigned from you, I have just lost with my biggest enemy, myself. You are a part of me know, you will always be. I am so sorry I was not enough of who you wanted me to be… I really am. Heh funny… I still cannot breathe when I think about you. I will never understand how could I let you go… it doesn’t make sense. All this talking and being honest with each other didn’t really help much after all… heh, it’s sad. I wanted us to be so different, I thought I have it all figured out… I really believed that. So this is it, I guess… You are another exhibit in my museum of unfulfilled dreams now… the place where I have never wanted you to be. I …. ….. … .. ……. …. Zmijka… I really did. \o/ “
” I need that car… I need it now real bad… I have to quickly drive away from this world, before it alone will drive me mad. I need to go back to a place where I meant something, the air I was breathing in was not poison, and the life I was living had more than two colours available. I have got plenty of fuel for what I need, well refined from all the burnt dreams over the years. Will I have got enough courage to grab the steering wheel and control the course of my destination? I have to… That cannot be another wasted opportunity to finally go flat out with everything I have been holding back for so long… I can’t afford it, not any more… A colourful vehicle, a time machine from the better times, a vessel that may bring what has been once lost and left behind in the past… A hope? Maybe. So it’s there… hidden somewhere beneath the complexity of human subconscious, buried in thoughts of the present, surrounded by ugliness and decay of yesterday… but it’s there… and it’s waiting to be found. Don’t stop, not now, not tomorrow. You are closer than you may think. Look for the clues, remember what you have been always doing, what has always been a part of you. Do not abandon your instinct, it’s the only compass you can trust. Now, can I? The best things happened because I have ignored what you have been telling me, but again… They have also brought the worst things… Maybe… maybe you are right. Maybe I should have never abandoned you, maybe there is something meaningful at the end. All that pain and suffering can’t be for nothing, right? It has to have some kind of gratification to even things out. Maybe if I had listened to you before, I wouldn’t have been thinking in circles now… That stupid venomous mistake… what was I thinking… I should have never come out of my world. What the hell was I thinking… that I could be like others? That I could do things like everyone else does? Stupid… Forget it. Get the fucking car and be done with it, never stop afterwards. Not for anything, not for anyone. They can jump right in, but there will be no stops. You have been standing in one place long enough. “
Original Street Artist: Anna Matuszewska in association with Galeria Sztuki 58, Radom.
” We all knew that one guy or gal at some point of our lives… that one individual that always preferred being alone. It is not an easy task to stray away like that from a group. You are automatically targeted as the first one to pick on, you are not a part of them, so you are always less liked and valuable. I could go on and on with that list, I don’t think I could find any advantages to it at all… At least, not the ones that others would find valuable to them. One of the worst things… …trying to be like others… Trying to mimic their way of being, easiness of living nice and careless life full of happiness and joy, constantly looking for a way into their world. Even with all that effort and trying, they will never be a part of it. They will always look in a different direction no matter what, strive for things that other people find trivial and not worth bothering. They lust for being within a group, but when they finally get there… They find it all awkward, fake and with constant pressure of being someone else, someone they are not. All this pretending and acting wears them off rather quickly. It is a matter of time, when they start looking for the way out of the place they have wished for in the first place. So they go back eventually… They go back to their own tiny, limitless, cosy life of thoughts. It might not be real, it may never be real, but it feels good, comfortable, and they feel like it is the only place they can enjoy anything. The sun might not be shining directly upon them, but it doesn’t mean they are living in darkness. While the other children might be having the time of their lives, playing and laughing all together… Some, might just wish to be somewhere close. Close enough to hear their laughs, cheering and happiness, but not too close to invade their world of thoughts and loneliness. “
Original Street Artist: Anna Matuszewska in association with Galeria Sztuki 58, Radom.
” It is quite fascinating how children’s eyes see the world. It doesn’t matter if they are living in a dream place or just in a poor and grey tenement, their world is still much more colourful than ours. No matter what happens around them, their reality stays pure and innocent. They don’t see things, the way we do. Their lack of sophisticated thinking, and not overthinking things, makes them genuine, frank and transparent in their doings. They don’t worry about the past, the future or even the present… They say and do what they feel and want. Their mind is free, light and focused on the essence of life. They do not limit themselves to the world they are living in, they create their own. The head full of dreams, ideas and a vision that the whole universe is just a giant playground. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, we start losing this unique ability. Day after day, our mind is getting polluted more and more, our vision blurred and senses mutilated… Soon, we are all stripped-down, left with some single hopes to live on… “
” Earth shakes, silent thunders boom, all goes quiet… A new day has just arrived. The glowing gem languidly rising on the horizon, shifting the light left and right, tuning up, adjusting… Concrete sticks huffing and puffing the smoke out, trying to catch a breath and turn the sky into a fluff. A freezing grip holds everything tight, doesn’t let anything move, be happy and glad. Black birds idly waving on stiff branches of the naked trees, waiting for the first warm sunny rays to strike their feathery coats. The bright beams of white mechanical light, far away in distance, wide open, glittering like wild animal eyes in a dark… Who are you, how dare you disrupting this magnificent moment of peace. The time, when everything is still in an innocent bliss… “
” Scrawny… my faithful fellow companion… We have been through thousands of kilometres, and you have never let me down… not even once. He may not look like much, but don’t be fooled by his appearance. Of course there are prettier and more powerful motorcycles out there, but not for me… none other can match the faithfulness and our long-lasting friendship. When I start it, the engine idle synchronise with my brain waves and from that moment, we think alike. I cannot stress enough, how much we love to travel across unknown lands. Chasing the sun, racing clouds and catching wind… When we ride together, the past and future cease to exist, all problems and doubts vanish like a falling star… there is only now and how we feel. It feels like falling asleep, slowly losing connection with the reality and after a while… you are in a dream, where everything is possible, and the beautiful day never ends… Scrawny, my faithful fellow companion… where should we go next? Will there be enough roads, to satisfy our never-ending appetite for new grounds? I don’t know… but I know this; even though you look great, standing in this sunlight, it is nowhere near, to how you look when you are on the move. Start up buddy, time to begin a new journey… “