” Spiky Greens ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

I always knew… I have always known what I want in life… I was sure and confident about it as well… I don’t know what happened, I mean I know… but it is too hard for me to believe it. It scares me because I know it’s true, and I don’t know the way out of it now… I have set myself on the path that was not designed for me at all… I have triggered the bomb, and I don’t know how to stop the countdown. Piece by piece, life is stripping me of what I have known… Leaving me with nothing but darkness and chaos in my mind. I don’t know what I want any more, what is even worse; I feel like the things I have always loved doing are leaving me as well… All my pillars of existence are crumbling underneath the weight of emptiness. I just don’t know any more… I feel like those spiky greens shivering and trembling in the wind, unconsciously waiting to be finally knock down from their highest point in life…

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” Mystery Continues ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

” So, the mystery continues… I am still trying to figure out what’s so special about those blocks of flats to me. I think it comes from my childhood. See, I didn’t use to go out a lot when I was a kid. I was basically living my whole life in my beloved flat most of the time, and I really liked it. I was enjoying outside activities at my grandparents at the weekends, but that was it. Five days a week, I was sitting at my home playing games, watching telly and playing with my toys, all the time (except for when I had to go out to school, obviously; which I wasn’t really fond of…). I totally loved my childhood, by the way. Hah~!! I was just reading it over out loud and I realised that my current adult life resembles the one from my childhood almost identically… wow… It looks I haven’t moved in life at all… Anyway, I was spending my life in tight enclosed spaces most of the time, so this might be one of the reasons. The second one I have figured out is probably connected with my lone style of life. See, I don’t have many friends you know. To tell the truth, I don’t have any at the moment. I had two best friends a long time ago, but they are… out there in the world somewhere now. So I think, I really enjoy being around people, even though I don’t like 98% of them. I am leading a solitary boring life, so it makes me feel nice being in places where life just lives the normal way, you know? I am pretty sure it all adds up to itself. Childhood nostalgia, loneliness, love of being outside, taking something back as a souvenir and probably so much more… All that is the reason why I enjoy doing what I do so much, and it explains a lot why I am being so attracted to those places… I feel like I am at home, even though the real one is far far away sometimes. I feel I belong between those tall buildings (inside and on top of them too!). It’s a truly magical experience for me every time I go out there. I just wish I had someone to share those moments with… Just that one person I could take with me and get lost in time… “

Art Prints

” Industrial Beauty ” by tgchan ( Sony A6500 + Sony Zeiss 24mm f/1.8 )

” It is one of those pieces… One of those pieces that nobody understands… Hesitation… should I delete it and move on looking for something more popularly likeable? No Chan, you shouldn’t. Trust your instinct. You were browsing photographs and something clicked right away when you saw it for the first time. That’s pure, something real, genuine beauty in its raw form. Keep it. So I did. It’s really hard to explain what I love about it without giving my own eyes and mind to someone else to experience it my way. Though I shall do my best and try to explain it. Let’s start with the major things first. Light and shade, both living in mutual respect, both perfectly completing each other. There is a beautiful bright and happy sky on the upper part, there is also not so happy darker shaded area at the bottom. They give this balanced and complete look of it. You also cannot not notice those four beautiful chrome chimneys… All shiny and glittering in the sun. An amazing reflection of them on the nearby wall, awesome green grass at the bottom left corner, billowy clouds above, branches… There is so much going on, so many things to look at… It’s cosy… It’s one of those special places. I call them ‘magical spots’. You just want to stand there and enjoy everything that surrounds you. It makes you so happy, full of appreciation and energy to live. It is also very hard to capture it. I keep looking at it, and I can’t believe I almost deleted it… I love it so much. Those colours and tint… Everything just ads up to itself creating this Industrial Beauty. Things like that gets me going another hours, days, weeks worth of pure walking… Just to find another one of those magical spots… “

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” Dusty Hill ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” I saw that hill before… Unfortunately at that time I was unable to climb it and check what is there that’s hiding from me. I kept looking at it from down below with great curiosity. I knew I would come back here and find out what’s on top of it one day; it was just a matter of time. Not so long after, a few months perhaps, there I was… standing again and looking at it… The pros and cons running through my mind… The decision is made. I am going up. I crossed the road and started climbing it. It’s much higher than I thought it was. I started running. I want it now. I want to see what’s on top of it and I don’t want to wait any longer. I am getting tired. It is much much higher than it looks like from back down. And that wind… the higher I climb the stronger it gets. I start running again. My body produces tremendous amount of heat. I can feel my legs getting all swollen up from all the blood being pumped to muscles. I am walking and sweating. I can feel wind piercing my body. Will I get ill afterwards? Will the wind get me? I run again. My jeans are so tight they will burst any minute now. I keep wondering; how is it possible that my legs got so fat so quick. It feels like they have been hiding their real potential from me. The moment I checked the jeans on my thighs was also the moment I noticed all the mud around me. The soil was wet. What the hell… It was so dry back down. There’s an endless field on my left and right. The only thing that separates me from all this muddy hell is a very narrow path of grass I have been running up the hill. Unfortunately I have also found out that I am not safe even here… With every step I was taking, a big cloud of dirty muddy dust was arising from the grass… I was trapped. I was somewhere in the middle of my way to the top… my boots and the lower part of jeans were dirty, grey and white from all that dust I have been kicking around for the last couple of minutes… The moment of great regret grasped me hard and squeezed painfully. Stupid… so stupid; I thought. Who in their right minds would run up some big ass hill just to find out the view… I was seriously thinking of making my way back down, but what was the point? I would have to go back the same way and giving up now didn’t make any sense. I started running up again, occasionally looking down, only to find out how it hurts my soul seeing all that dust flying on my boots and jeans… Finally I reached the top… There was nothing there… The hill was just flat… and behind it… there was just mud… endless fields of mud… I remembered that one tree I had seen from back down. I decided to meet it in person… Unfortunately, the only way to it, was through the mud… It felt like walking through a minefield. I was scared that my next step will be tragic and my boot will get swallowed or something… After short but utterly stressful and careful walk, I reached the tree… We talked for a while… it was nice. I remember running down as quickly as I could just to have the dusty path behind me. I wasn’t happy back then, but now… when I look at my friend from the hill… You tell me, if it was worth it or not… “

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” Ribs ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” Every creation, physical or not, big or small, long term or just a short one, they all need a solid construction, the thing that will uphold the weight of the future plans. The greater the plan, the greater support is required. Tough ribs to protect soft and fragile investment. The question is… is it worth building all that around something that may never appear inside of it in the first place? How do you know? How can you be sure? What if it is just an illusion? A dream that will always stay just a dream… Is this what has happened here? Is it an empty cage of ribs protecting someone’s dream that has never come true? Was I here too early? Is the dream still possible to be fulfilled? Or is it just another skeleton left behind… A brutally interrupted vision, a reminder of something that could have been someone’s escape from the usual… A great dream that has shattered against sharp edges of the broken reality. The light… is it still with it? Or has it already started taking it apart? It looks so solid… so enormous… By the look of it, it looks like a real big honest love, I have seen it before. What happened? Something tragic must have happened. Those ribs… so secure, almost completed. Great plans, amazing love, big happy family… What could have possibly stop such hard work and dedication… Perhaps, I am indeed too early here. Maybe it all is still in movement, still alive, still has got a future… Maybe I was just… too early… “

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” Come Out Come Out ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-FA 31mm F1.8 AL Limited )

” Come out, Come out… wherever you are… You can’t hide forever. It is a matter of time when the real you will take control, step out of the shade, come to light, show true colours. You can’t be perfect, not for a longer while. The cracks will start showing up, you’ll break, fall apart. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t be the best version of yourself for too long. It doesn’t matter for who and why… you just can’t. The legend says, you can leave your old you, and become a totally different person in a matter of seconds. The art of personality switch is a long time forgotten skill. You can become whoever you want, do whatever you want, and have whatever you want. You can leave imperfect yourself behind, become someone you have always dreamt of being. Do things you have always been afraid of doing, and finally reach for the things that were out of your reach before. It is not permanent, you can’t stay in that state forever. It’s exhausting and tiring. Is it worth it? Are you determined hard enough? Are you ready to become someone who is not you, in order to get what you want from life? The legends says, if you reach the highest level of mastering the art of personality switch, you can do it whenever you want, and last in the new form… for as long as you need it. It also says, there is a risk of irreversibly damaging and altering your old self. Random unwanted personality switches may occur, without the crucial element of leaving the old mind behind, you may find yourself internally torn apart, wanting two different things most of the time. Eventually you will become demented, living two different lives in one body, eternally split between what you want, and what you can’t… Forever shattered, beyond the point of repair… “

Art Prints

 

 

 

 

” Decoloured ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” What you see, what you feel… sometimes can go two different ways. Everything turns green, blooms, birds happily chirping, frogs croaking, colours have invaded dark and boring places… spring is here. It is warm, very warm, almost summer-like too warm, but the wind is making it all nice. Everything is so cheerful, happy and so damn alive… I am not unhappy or sad… unsettled and a little lost perhaps… I wish I could synchronise better with all beautiful life around me, derive more pleasure and satisfaction from where I am and what I have. Some things are sprouting and growing full of life, others shrivelling up and dying left alone… Spring, the time when yang is aggressively taking back what yin took not such a long time ago… I can see so many beautiful colours, I am so grey inside… I can feel so much life around me, yet I can barely live and feel my own. I can feel I become desaturated even more. The process of decolourisation is eating me alive, corroding my being and mind. Shake it off, shake it off, regain control. Bring the colours back to your life. There is love. “

Art Prints

” Four Brothers ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” Four Brothers have finally come together… It has been decades since they have all met. They all came up from the same parents. They all grew up together. Unfortunately, life have divided their lives and spread them across the globe. Busy with their careers, work and other activities, they rarely even had time to talk to each other. All is past now though… They’re together, close, united once again. So much to share, so much to talk about, get up to speed, make up for all those years of not caring. They have missed each other so much… It is so unfortunate that such sad event had to be the reason for their meeting. Their beloved parents… gone, forever and ever echoing in their painfully shattered minds. They are all sitting silently together now, watching the sun going down and down. It’s nice… Everything has been taken care of, everything has been done. They can finally relax, and slowly learn how to let this go… It’s warm and cosy. The sun is still giving so much warmth, even though it’s so low… It’s so warm and cosy… “

Art Prints

” The Touch Of A Woman ” by tgchan ( Canon EOS 70D + Canon EF-S 10-18mm f/4.5–5.6 IS STM )

” The Touch of a Woman… They are quite similar to cats, you know? They are both connoisseurs of comfort, but cats… well, they lack ability to create those warm and cosy places on their own. Women on the other hand, they are quite skilful with those things. A quick glance at some place, and you know there was a female presence around. It is really interesting. Women look for males who can give them security, and males look for females who can give them this special cosiness that their mother used to create for them. It all goes in circles. Why am I even surprised with this discovery… Everything in nature works like that. A big fucking wheel of correlation. All nice and tidy, items placed carefully and with a great thought. Colours are not random and everything must go with the rest of the surrounding. It gives me a headache… I like it, but I would never follow all those rules. I know how to create a super cosy place for myself, and I don’t need all this bullshit that this should suit that etc. I like it, I have it. Done. Simple as that. I wouldn’t give up something I like only because it doesn’t go well with the rest of the room or something, fuck that. Going back to the woman’s touch, I truly admire their commitment, and their sense of setting up things the way they do; most of the time anyways There is something special about it, not doubt. Even though, I don’t genuinely know exactly what it is. Must be some kind of womanly magic I guess. I have been trying to capture the beauty of my mother’s bedroom for quite a while now, but only recently, I think I have finally got it. Admire. “

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” I Do Not Know ” by tgchan ( Pentax K-5 II s + SMC Pentax-F 50mm F2.8 Macro )

” I don’t know… If you are reading this, there is a good chance that you are probably looking at one of my last photographs as well. It came out of nowhere… really. How could I not see this coming… I had a hard time bringing back something worthy from my last journeys. I should have seen that coming. I think a new phone which was a gift from my brother was the final nail in the coffin. The first video I made with it to be precise, was the point when everything has changed. The funny thing is that I have picked up photography in the first place because the idea of filming, storing all those videos and uploading them with my super slow internet… well… let’s just say, it didn’t look too attractive, and I have decided it wasn’t an option for me. Oh, and I couldn’t have sell and present my videos in such a nice way as the photographs. Not that I have sold any or it was my priority, but yea… at that time the dream was big and lucrative. Any way, there were many situation where I wanted to share something with a viewer, but the photographs were too limiting. I was going wider and wider with the choice of my lenses, but it helped me only to a degree. With a moving picture, not constrained to any particular frame, I can show what I love about certain places and things. Nothing really changed though, I still don’t like the idea of storing video files, uploading them with the same slow ass internet, and everything else to be honest… BUT! My last journey was totally dominated by videos… I have taken like 3 or so photographs, and made tens of short video clips which excited me so much. When I felt that great excitement while I was filming, that feeling that I can share everything what I see with a viewer, that was it. I knew this is the place I want to be. There are still many great things to photograph, and ideally I should have two systems with me; one for photographs and the other one for videos. Maybe I will be able to come up with something that will satisfy me in both. I don’t know… I really am up to my ears in filming. I don’t know where it all goes… I just know I love it, and this is my new way of expressing what I love. If you are curious about the new thing, just search for tgchan on youtube and you shall find it/ “

www.youtube.com/user/tgchan

Art Prints